Sunday, April 7, 2013

Could you read my essay and revise my grammar errors?

Could you read my essay and revise my grammar errors?
While people are living in their lives, they face moments to make decisions that may affect their lives such as going to college, getting married, and having a baby. I'd like to tell you about a decision which my uncle made. My uncle, David, 58-year-old, worked for the U.S army for 28years. Now, he works at the post office as a mailman. He is one of cleverest men I've ever met. He is a good advisor. When I have a problem, he usually gives me some good advises and suggestions which is really helpful. He was born in a little town in Nothern Indiana named London. He grew up in a good family. His father, John, was a doctor who likes to help others. He's always looking for works that can help people, and his mother, Marry, was a housewife. They have four children. Two of them are from John Marry. The other tow are adopted. Marry died about five months ago when she was 88years old. I only met John once. He really liked to tell us the stories. When I first saw him, he showed me a couple of pictures of my uncle's. Then, he told me the stories about my uncle's childhood such as what he was like, he like to do, and etc. According to his memories, my uncle was one of the smartest students in his school. Most his grades were "A" and he recived many prizes. So he went to the Cornell university. However, somehow, going to university was very hard for him. His major was engineering.But, for some reason, he did not fit in the school. He started not to go to classes. He realized that he needs a change. He wanted to do something else besides going to school. Suddenly, he quit the school himself and he decided to join the U.S army. That is when he was 21years old. After three years he became a soldier, he was sent to South Korea as an instructor. In 1970s, a few decades after Korean War, Korea was still a poor country. People even from other countries did not know the existence of Korea. Most people did not have enough money to buy food and educate their kids. However, he faced his happiest moment in his life. He met his wife, Ji- hyun, my aunt, in his unit. She was 23 years old, and she was a banker. They've been dated for 2years. After dating for 2 years, they got married in Korea. But, my uncle said it was hard to marry a korean woman because my grandfather was against the marrige with a foreigner. They moved back to the United States. They invited my grandparent and all of my uncles to the U.S to have a better life.They've been married for 34years now. They have two sons. The older one, Daniel, works for the FBI, and he is getting married on July with a lovely woman, who is a lawyer. The younger one, michal, quit the high school when he was 18years old, but he works at the bank with his mom. My uncle has been working at the post office for 6 years now, and he loves his job. Fortunetely, he made a right decision. If he did not make the decision to join the army, he would not be here now, and he would not be able to meet his wife. He said " sometimes, I regret that I've made a wrong decision. But qutting school, and joining the army were best decisions I've made. I learned a lot of things from the army. Also I met my good friends, and they made me a strong person". He said he is happy now, and I could see he is happy while he was telling me a his story. I'm not a native speaker, so I'm having a hard time with writing an essay. Would you plz read my essay and check my grammar errors?? Also plz check commas and revise it. I'll appreciate if you give me some suggestions that could help me to develop this essay. Thank you :)
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1 :
There comes a chance when people living their lives have to face decisions that will affect their entire existence, such as - going to college, getting married, and having a baby. I'd like to tell you about a decision which my uncle made. My uncle, David, a 58-year-old, worked for the U.S army for 28 years. Now he works at the post office as a mailman. He is one of the most intelligent men I've ever met and is good at giving advices. When I have problems, he usually gives me some good opinions and suggestions which are really helpful. He was born in a little town, in Northern Indiana, called London. He grew up in a good family. His father, John, was a doctor who likes to help others. He's always looking for work that can help people, and his mother, Marry, was a housewife. They had four children. Two of them were biological while the other two were adopted. Marry died about five months ago, she was 88 years old. I've met John only once. He really liked to tell us the stories. When I first saw him, he showed me a couple of pictures of my uncle. He told me stories about my uncle's childhood such as what he used to like to do and etc. According to his memories, my uncle was one of the smartest students in his school. Most of his grades were "A" and he received a lot of awards. So then, he went to the Cornell University. However, attending the university was very hard for him and his was majoring in engineering. Because for some reason, he did not fit in school. Uncle David stopped going to his classes, when he realized he needed a change. He wanted to do something else aside from going to school. When he was 21, he chose to quit the school himself and decided to join the U.S army. After three years, he became a soldier and was sent to South Korea as an instructor. In the 1970s, a few decades after the Korean War, Korea was still a poor country. People from other countries did not even know the existence of Korea. Most Koreans did not have enough money to buy food and educate their kids. Nevertheless, he gained the happiest moment of his life in Korea. He met his wife, Ji-hyun, my aunt, in his unit. She was 23 years old, and was a banker. They've dated for 2 years, and got married in Korea. But my uncle said it was hard to marry a Korean woman due to my grandfather’s indignant treatment towards marriage with a foreigner. They moved back to the United States and invited my grandparents and all of my uncles to the U.S to have a better life. They've been married for 34 years now and had two sons. The first born, Daniel, works for the FBI, and he is getting married on July with a lovely woman, who’s a lawyer. The younger one, Michal, quit high school when he was 18 years old, but he works at the bank with his mom now. My uncle has been working at the post office for 6 years now, and he loves his job. Fortunately, he made the right decision for himself. If he did not decided to join the army, he would not be here now, and he would not have met his wife. He said, “Sometimes, I regret that I've made such a decision. But quitting school and joining the army were the best decisions I've ever made. I learned a lot of things from the army. Also I met my good friends, and they made me turn into a strong person." He said he is very happy now, and I could see that he certainly is happy while telling me his very own story.